Obitley Voices |What Is an Ethical Will?
What Is an Ethical Will?
How to Write Your Legacy Letter
Published on Obitley Voices|obitley.com/voices/what is an ethical will
Most people know they should have a will. Yet, few have heard of an ethical will, and even fewer take the time to write one. This is a missed opportunity, as families often treasure an ethical will most once a loved one is gone.
A legal will decides who inherits your belongings. An ethical will passes on something less tangible but far more enduring: your values, stories, hard won lessons, and heartfelt hopes for those you love. Some call it a legacy letter. You do not need a lawyer, witnesses, or any formal steps to create one.
This guide will walk you through what an ethical will is, how it differs from a legal will, what you might include, and how to craft one even if you have never tried before.
What Is an Ethical Will?
An ethical will is a personal document where you share your values, beliefs, life lessons, and hopes for the future with the people you care about. Unlike a legal will, it is not legally binding and has no formal rules. It is simply a meaningful gift. [1]
The tradition of ethical wills goes back a long way. They are found in the Hebrew Bible, where elders gave final blessings and advice to their children. For centuries, this practice has been part of Jewish culture as zava'ah, and over time, people from many backgrounds have adopted it. [2]
Today, an ethical will might take the form of a handwritten letter, a typed document, a video, an audio message, or any combination you choose. There are no set rules. What matters most is that it captures what you truly want to share.
| An ethical will is not a legal document.It does not replace your legal will, advance directive, or any other formal planning document. Think of it as the letter that explains who you are and what you believed, to be read alongside everything else you leave behind. | | |
Ethical Will vs. Legal Will: What's the Difference?
| Purpose | Pass on values, wisdom, life lessons, and blessings | Distribute assets and property after death | | | | | | Legally binding | No | Yes | | Requires attorney | No | Recommended; required for complex estates | | Requires witnesses | No | Yes, in most states | | Format | Any: written, recorded, video, audio | Written document with specific legal requirements | | Contents | Stories, lessons, values, hopes, regrets, blessings | Property, beneficiaries, executors, guardianship | | Can be changed | Any time, no process required | Requires formal amendment (codicil) or rewrite | | Cost | Free | $300 to $1,500+ depending on complexity |
Both documents matter, but they serve different purposes. A will decides what happens to your property. An ethical will passes on your story.
What to Include in an Ethical Will
There is no set format, but most ethical wills include some of the following:
Values and Beliefs
What did you believe in most? Which principles guided your choices? What did you hope your life would stand for? These do not have to be grand declarations. Simple honesty often speaks louder than formality.
Life Lessons
What lessons did you learn the hard way? What advice would you give your younger self? Which mistakes became your greatest teachers? Families often find this section the most meaningful because of its honesty.
Family History and Stories
Many families have stories that live only in one person's memory. An ethical will is a way to rescue them from fading away. Where did your family come from? What were your parents like? What stories have never been written down? If no one records them, those stories can be lost forever.
Hopes and Blessings
What do you hope for your loved ones? What wishes do you hold for your children, grandchildren, or generations yet to come? This part is like a blessing or a heartfelt wish, whether or not you are religious.
Regrets and What You Would Do Differently
This section is optional, but many find it meaningful to share what they wish they had done differently. It is not about shame, but about offering honest insight to those who come after you.
Gratitude
Who shaped your life? Who helped you along the way? Who deserves to know how much they meant to you? An ethical will lets you express what often goes unsaid.
Instructions for Living
Some people use this section to share practical wisdom: how to manage money, handle disagreements, keep the family close, or continue cherished traditions. The hardest part of writing an ethical will is simply starting. Once you begin, the words often flow more easily than you expect.
Step 1: Choose Your Format
You can write your ethical will, record it, or do both. A written letter is the most common and easiest to keep safe. A video or audio message adds your voice and presence in a way a letter cannot. Many choose to combine both approaches.
Step 2: Start with a Prompt
If you are not sure how to begin, try starting with one of these questions:
What is the most important thing you have learned in your life? What do you want your children or grandchildren to know about where they came from? What are you most proud of, and what do you wish you had done differently? What values do you hope will be passed down in your family? What would you tell the person you were at 20?
Write down whatever comes to mind. You can always shape and refine it later.
Step 3: Write in Your Own Voice
An ethical will does not have to be formal. It should not sound like a legal document or a eulogy. Write as you speak. Use real names, vivid memories, and personal details. People forget general statements, but they remember the specifics.
Step 4: Revise Over Time
You do not have to finish your ethical will all at once. Many people add to it over the years or write a new one during major life changes. There is no deadline; your document can grow alongside you.
Step 5: Tell Someone Where It Is
The most important thing is to make sure your ethical will can be found. Let your family know it exists. Store it with your important documents, in a digital folder, or on a platform like Obitley where your Life Story is preserved.
Formats and How to Preserve Your Ethical Will
An ethical will only matters if it endures. Here are some ways to keep it safe:
Printed and stored with your legal documents in a fireproof safe or with your estate attorney Scanned as a PDF and saved in cloud storage, shared with a trusted family member Recorded as a video and stored on a shared family drive or a digital memorial platform Captured through Obitley's Life Story feature, where memories, values, and family history can be preserved in a format accessible to future generations
Studies show that 41 percent of Americans believe relationships and memories are their most important legacy, even more than money or property. [3] An ethical will is a powerful way to share that legacy.
When to Write an Ethical Will
There is never a wrong time to write an ethical will. Still, certain moments often inspire people to begin:
After the death of a parent or close friend, when you feel the weight of what was not said At a major milestone: retirement, a serious illness, the birth of a grandchild During end of life planning, alongside your legal will and advance directive As part of a regular reflection practice, annually or at significant birthdays
The families who most wish they had an ethical will from a loved one are often those who lost someone suddenly. You do not have to wait until the end of life to write one. All it takes is the decision to begin.
How Obitley's Life Story Feature Supports This
Obitley's Life Story feature is designed to help you preserve these memories. It gives families a way to save memories, values, and family history in a format that endures. You can use it to create an ethical will, record stories for grandchildren, or simply capture what you want to share. It is a place for what matters most.
You can start your Life Story for free at www.obitley.com/life stories.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is an ethical will legally binding?
No. An ethical will has no legal standing. It does not affect how your assets are distributed, and it cannot override your legal will or any other formal document. Its value is entirely personal and emotional, not legal.
What is the difference between an ethical will and a legacy letter?
They are the same thing with different names. Some people prefer 'legacy letter' because it sounds less formal and more personal. Others use 'ethical will' to connect it to the longer tradition the practice comes from. Both refer to a personal document that passes on values, stories, and wisdom rather than property.
Do I need a lawyer to write an ethical will?
No. An ethical will requires no legal process, no witnesses, no notarization, and no professional assistance. Anyone can write one, in any format, at any time.
How long should an ethical will be?
As long as it needs to be and no longer. Some are a single page. Some are twenty pages. Some are short recorded videos. There is no correct length. The measure of a good ethical will is whether it says what you actually wanted to say.
Can I write an ethical will for someone else, like a parent who has passed?
You cannot write one on behalf of someone else after they are gone, but you can capture what you remember of their values, stories, and wisdom in a memorial or tribute. Obitley's Life Story feature and obituary tools are designed for exactly this purpose.
Should my family read my ethical will while I am still alive?
That is entirely your choice. Some people share it while they are living, which can open meaningful conversations. Others prefer it to be read after they are gone. Some write a version for now and a separate, more complete version to be read later. There is no right answer.
Sources
1. Baines, B. K. (2006). Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper. Da Capo Press.
2. Jewish Virtual Library. (2024). Ethical Wills. jewishvirtuallibrary.org
3. Jones, A. (2025). The Importance of Legacy: What Americans Value Most. Legacy Insights Journal.
4. Giving USA Foundation. (2021). The Role of Personal Legacy in Charitable Giving. givingusa.org
5. The Conversation Project. (2024). Starter Kit: How to Talk About What Matters Most. theconversationproject.org
6. Five Wishes / Aging with Dignity. (2024). Five Wishes. agingwithdignity.org